Michael Douglas, the actor from such hit films as “Wall Street,” “Fatal Attraction,” and “Basic Instinct” reprises his role from “Wall Street” in the new film “Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps” which sounds like the video game version of “Wall Street.”
He is being sued by his former wife, whom he divorced 10 years ago after awhile of not being together anyway.  She’s asking for 50% of the amount he made for his work on the new film.

I know what you’re thinking, “But they weren’t married when he made this film.  How can she lay claim to this?  Especially since she’s made over $6 million in DVD sales since their divorce for movies he made prior to the divorce and he doesn’t own the rights to the character he played in both films.”
Interesting that you know so much about the situation but still have to ask questions, but to answer your question – I don’t know.

But that’s not even the main reason why I’m calling anyone a purple nurple.  What makes this so grotesque is that he just announced last week that he has THROAT CANCER!

And her lawyer had the gall to reference a famous line from “Wall Street” to make HIM look like the greedy one.  ”Greed is about someone…who won’t pay his spouse.”

Are you kidding me??

That would be like Michael Douglas’ lawyer saying, “Your honor, there is one basic instinct here.  This woman has a fatal attraction to money.  Why not just boil his rabbit?  Seriously, talk about romancing the stone…s she’s gonna be buying with all that money.  Really.  I’m falling down over here.  Is this a game, or what?  Is he gonna accidentally shoot his brother played by Sean Penn?  What a perfect murder that would be.  He is Michael Douglas…and he IS the president of the United States.  Wonder Boys!”

Admittedly, I got a little carried away there.

Lady who used to be married to Michael Douglas and your lawyer…you’re a purple nurple.

Yeah, things might get tough for a particular group, but for the most part we’d be fine.  It’s just 2 years or 4 years, anyway.  They’ll get voted out of office or terms limits will cut off their time ruining our states or our country.  Then someone else will come and keep us from becoming Uzbekistan.  (note: I have no clue how things are in Uzbekistan.  I just like saying Uzbekistan.)

Well, that argument has finally met its match.

Basil Marceaux.

You might have seen segments about him on The Colbert Report.  If you haven’t, let me fill you in.

THE GUY IS BAT CRAP CRAZY.

I would link to some sites to illustrate my point, but if you just throw a rock on the internet you’d hit something that shows just how nuts this guy is.

I will include this video, though, because the best way to listen to Basil Marceaux is with subtitles.

Geez, and people say President George W. Bush is a bad public speaker.  This guy makes President Bush look like Frederick Douglass.  I have to say, in Crazy Land I can actually follow Basil’s line of thinking.

If there is a way for a state to be run so poorly that it literally sinks into the Earth and disappears, Basil Marceaux would be the man to do it.  I honestly don’t know if Tennessee would exist if he governed it.  I think it would just disappear or be sold to Uzbekistan.  See, it’s fun!

This is just so rich.  I can’t wait to track the TN Primaries later today!

This is not news!  It’s not “show” and it’s not “biz,” either.  And it’s CNN, so they can’t use the argument that showing sleaze and non-story stories gets them ratings.  They don’t have any ratings!  Or integrity!

Here’s an idea!  Don’t do what every other entertainment news program is doing.  Instead, actually talk about the business.  I’m not saying they have to go as inside and nerdy as the pilot episode of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. (I loved that show)  I’m just saying that they should show something that actually reflects the name of the program.

Talk about entertainment and talk about the business aspect of the entertainment world.  Don’t run a story about a picture Jessica Simpson tweeted.
That’s not a story.  And on top of that, Jessica Simpson beat you to it.  Anyone who cared about that already saw it when they were on Twitter.

The news used to be about stories you wouldn’t have already heard about because you couldn’t have.  Or they’d give you more details on a story you probably already heard about.  Not about stuff everyone’s already talked about.

I’m sorry, but it’s not news to tell us that Lady GaGa does cocaine occasionally.  We already figured that…because we’ve seen her.
The only news you could bring us on that story is what her connotation of “occasionally” is because given her act it’s possible she thinks it means, “A lot.  Like, a LOT, a lot.”

I’ll never forgive you, Travel Channel, for putting something other than Samantha Brown on when I’m working out.

That’s a lot of money.  That’s not screw around money.  That’s not piss off money.  That’s I-can-kill-everyone-and-start-over money.
I can’t even wrap my head around that amount.  Think of all the things you could do if you had a trillion dollars.

>I’d have a party with Bill Gates and Oprah, show them my bank account, then point and laugh at them.
>I’d make an Iron Man suit.
>I’d remake the Star Wars prequels and insure they are as great as they should’ve been.  I will definitely play a young Lando Calrissian in it, too.  I think I just thought of my next Halloween costume.  And I’ll drink Colt 45 the whole time.  Not on Halloween, I mean in my Star Wars.
>I’d get Tyler Perry to produce my wedding.  Can you imagine how huge of a weekend I’d have if it were a Tyler Perry wedding?  He could play all the parts.
>I would pay Michael J Fox to show up at my birthday party in the DeLorean from Back to the Future.  Then I’d leave with him in the DeLorean and make him say the “Flux Capacitor…fluxing” line.
>I’d buy love just to prove the Beatles wrong.
>I’d buy a shaved ice machine.  I know, modest.

First, they were showing practically nude girls in their programing while I tried to innocently watch mindless television while working out at the gym.

I gave it up, but a month or so ago went back to them because they changed their schedule.  They’d show Man Vs. Food for an hour, then Samantha Brown the next hour, and for a third hour Anthony Bourdain.

It was great.  No matter when I went to the gym during a 3 hour block I could see something I wanted to actually watch.

Well, NO MORE.  For some reason they changed their schedule.  They only have Samantha Brown and that’s not until 1, which is around the time I try to leave the gym.

Man.  Screw you, Travel Channel.  Not only can I not enjoy beautiful locales with the lovely Samantha Brown, I can’t live vicariously through her as she travels to beautiful locales.

Sad, sad life I lead…looking at TV while I get all toned and whatnot.

My thing with that is, did he not rehearse the song several times before the broadcast?  Did the meaning of the song really not resonate until the live show?

I find that hard to believe.  He had to have rehearsed that performance at least 3 times.  I can’t imagine they didn’t.  Maybe he just wanted to get the footwork down and when it came to the singing he said, “We’ll do it live.  I want to stay fresh.”

But not even during the sound check did he stop and say, “Wait a second, I’M the man in the mirror.  I need to make that change.  Shamon.”

It’s been a year since Michael Jackson’s death and we’ll still never truly know how he came up with “shamon.”  How is that even supposed to be spelled?

I digress.  I don’t buy the weeping at the end of Brown’s performance.  You can call me a hater all you want.  And you’d be right, I hate Chris Brown.  But mainly because I was just in a wedding this weekend and I heard “Forever” waaaaay too much.

I will give him credit for not performing “Beat It,” “Dangerous,” or “Speed Demon.”  Not that “Speed Demon” would have been inappropriate.  That song just sucks.

Everyone laughed at this dude, too.  Guess what?  AN EARTHQUAKE HIT CALIFORNIA EARLIER!!

Granted, he was 3 months off cause he was warning about one in September, but what if his prophecies are just a bit fuzzy.  Like Chuck with the intersect?

I’m just saying, let the casting for a movie version of this begin because we may not have much longer!!

If you’re not familiar with what a “bucket list” is it is a list of things you want to do before you die…or “kick the bucket.”

So here are a the new additions to my list:

1. Eat a Five Buck Box from Taco Bell
2. Eat one of those Double Down sandwiches from KFC
3. Live forever!

Granted, just eating these things will kill me so I better put these at the very bottom of my list.  Maybe that guy from Man Vs. Food should have an episode where we tries to eat all the most disgusting Fast Food chain entrees in one day.

I shudder at just the thought.

Ok, I get it.  You can stretch your webbing over several feet.  Impressive.  But seriously, why?  Do you like to see people walk face first into that crap and then freak out?  Is that spider humor?  Jerks.  You’re no Mark Twain!

If a spider web gets in my mouth I will throw up right on the spot.  It’s revolting to me.  I will throw up right there.  Not even so much because I couldn’t make it to a trash can, but just to make a point of what not to do to Jason.  Don’t let spider webs get in my mouth.  Don’t let me walk mouth first into some spider webs.

Spider-man is the last super hero I want saving me for this very reason.  I don’t even want to imagine all the webbing.  Ugh.

If Spider-man swung in and saved me I would say, “Put me down or I’m gonna be sick!”  ”Is it motion sickness?”  ”NO, it’s you!  And Spider-Man 3, it was awful.  BLAH!”

Just send Iron Man next time.  At least his movies haven’t starting sucking yet.

I’ve come to realize that when people in America get stuff for free they become huge douche bags.

Have you seen the comments for free songs offered on iTunes?  People go on and on about how awful the song might be…to them.  A lot of times I like the song, but that doesn’t keep people from saying, “Good job, iTunes picking another crap song.”

Excuse me, jerkface, but you do realize the song is FREE right?  Like iTunes owes it to you to please you when they’re GIVING YOU SOMETHING FOR FREE.

What entitled babies.

They act like they have to keep the song or something.  You can delete it if you hate it, ya know?  You don’t need to keep some song you hate on your iPod just because it was free.  Just delete it and move on.  Stop whining.

One of the most repeated arguments I heard about the health care passage was, “Government can’t run anything.  Now our doctors’ offices will be like the DMV.”  Which isn’t even true.  The government won’t be running your doctor’s office.  Glad these people get a voice, a vote, and the chance to drive on the highway.  Natural selection isn’t real, these morons are still around killing all the smart people with their cars.

My point is, we’re getting so spoiled that even if we get something that might just be okay for free we complain.  Hey guys, take a trip to some of the third world countries where they don’t have any of the luxuries that are so second-nature to us that we demand them.

Now if you don’t mind, I have to head out.  I have to take my McDonald’s meal back because this burger is disgusting!  How dare they serve this crap for a dollar?!?!