Laughing All the Way to the Space Bank
Can you imagine having a trillion dollars??
That’s a lot of money. That’s not screw around money. That’s not piss off money. That’s I-can-kill-everyone-and-start-over money.
I can’t even wrap my head around that amount. Think of all the things you could do if you had a trillion dollars.
>I’d have a party with Bill Gates and Oprah, show them my bank account, then point and laugh at them.
>I’d make an Iron Man suit.
>I’d remake the Star Wars prequels and insure they are as great as they should’ve been. I will definitely play a young Lando Calrissian in it, too. I think I just thought of my next Halloween costume. And I’ll drink Colt 45 the whole time. Not on Halloween, I mean in my Star Wars.
>I’d get Tyler Perry to produce my wedding. Can you imagine how huge of a weekend I’d have if it were a Tyler Perry wedding? He could play all the parts.
>I would pay Michael J Fox to show up at my birthday party in the DeLorean from Back to the Future. Then I’d leave with him in the DeLorean and make him say the “Flux Capacitor…fluxing” line.
>I’d buy love just to prove the Beatles wrong.
>I’d buy a shaved ice machine. I know, modest.
I Hate You, Travel Channel, I HATE You!
Well, the Travel Channel burned me again.
First, they were showing practically nude girls in their programing while I tried to innocently watch mindless television while working out at the gym.
I gave it up, but a month or so ago went back to them because they changed their schedule. They’d show Man Vs. Food for an hour, then Samantha Brown the next hour, and for a third hour Anthony Bourdain.
It was great. No matter when I went to the gym during a 3 hour block I could see something I wanted to actually watch.
Well, NO MORE. For some reason they changed their schedule. They only have Samantha Brown and that’s not until 1, which is around the time I try to leave the gym.
Man. Screw you, Travel Channel. Not only can I not enjoy beautiful locales with the lovely Samantha Brown, I can’t live vicariously through her as she travels to beautiful locales.
Sad, sad life I lead…looking at TV while I get all toned and whatnot.
A Word on Chris Brown
I don’t know if you’ve seen Chris Brown’s MJ Tribute on the BET Awards yet, but he “broke down” in “tears” while trying to sing “Man in the Mirror.”
My thing with that is, did he not rehearse the song several times before the broadcast? Did the meaning of the song really not resonate until the live show?
I find that hard to believe. He had to have rehearsed that performance at least 3 times. I can’t imagine they didn’t. Maybe he just wanted to get the footwork down and when it came to the singing he said, “We’ll do it live. I want to stay fresh.”
But not even during the sound check did he stop and say, “Wait a second, I’M the man in the mirror. I need to make that change. Shamon.”
It’s been a year since Michael Jackson’s death and we’ll still never truly know how he came up with “shamon.” How is that even supposed to be spelled?
I digress. I don’t buy the weeping at the end of Brown’s performance. You can call me a hater all you want. And you’d be right, I hate Chris Brown. But mainly because I was just in a wedding this weekend and I heard “Forever” waaaaay too much.
I will give him credit for not performing “Beat It,” “Dangerous,” or “Speed Demon.” Not that “Speed Demon” would have been inappropriate. That song just sucks.
The Day After Tomorrow 2
Do you know those disaster movies where some crazy guy at the beginning of the movie says, “There’s gonna be a major earthquake that will shake the bowls of our nation” and everyone laughs at him, but then it turns out he was right all along??
Everyone laughed at this dude, too. Guess what? AN EARTHQUAKE HIT CALIFORNIA EARLIER!!
Granted, he was 3 months off cause he was warning about one in September, but what if his prophecies are just a bit fuzzy. Like Chuck with the intersect?
I’m just saying, let the casting for a movie version of this begin because we may not have much longer!!
My Bucket List Just Got a Bit Longer
I’ve added two things to my bucket list.
If you’re not familiar with what a “bucket list” is it is a list of things you want to do before you die…or “kick the bucket.”
So here are a the new additions to my list:
- Eat a Five Buck Box from Taco Bell
- Eat one of those Double Down sandwiches from KFC
- Live forever!
Granted, just eating these things will kill me so I better put these at the very bottom of my list. Maybe that guy from Man Vs. Food should have an episode where we tries to eat all the most disgusting Fast Food chain entrees in one day.
Just Your Friendly Neighborhood Vomit Inducer
A spider web almost got in my mouth earlier.
I shudder at just the thought.
Ok, I get it. You can stretch your webbing over several feet. Impressive. But seriously, why? Do you like to see people walk face first into that crap and then freak out? Is that spider humor? Jerks. You’re no Mark Twain!
If a spider web gets in my mouth I will throw up right on the spot. It’s revolting to me. I will throw up right there. Not even so much because I couldn’t make it to a trash can, but just to make a point of what not to do to Jason. Don’t let spider webs get in my mouth. Don’t let me walk mouth first into some spider webs.
Spider-man is the last super hero I want saving me for this very reason. I don’t even want to imagine all the webbing. Ugh.
If Spider-man swung in and saved me I would say, “Put me down or I’m gonna be sick!” ”Is it motion sickness?” ”NO, it’s you! And Spider-Man 3, it was awful. BLAH!”
Just send Iron Man next time. At least his movies haven’t starting sucking yet.
Everything I Needed To Learn I Learned From iTunes
I’m not so sure about this health care legislation anymore. I know, I know. Just go with it, I’m making a joke.
I’ve come to realize that when people in America get stuff for free they become huge douche bags.
Have you seen the comments for free songs offered on iTunes? People go on and on about how awful the song might be…to them. A lot of times I like the song, but that doesn’t keep people from saying, “Good job, iTunes picking another crap song.”
Excuse me, jerkface, but you do realize the song is FREE right? Like iTunes owes it to you to please you when they’re GIVING YOU SOMETHING FOR FREE.
What entitled babies.
They act like they have to keep the song or something. You can delete it if you hate it, ya know? You don’t need to keep some song you hate on your iPod just because it was free. Just delete it and move on. Stop whining.
One of the most repeated arguments I heard about the health care passage was, “Government can’t run anything. Now our doctors’ offices will be like the DMV.” Which isn’t even true. The government won’t be running your doctor’s office. Glad these people get a voice, a vote, and the chance to drive on the highway. Natural selection isn’t real, these morons are still around killing all the smart people with their cars.
My point is, we’re getting so spoiled that even if we get something that might just be okay for free we complain. Hey guys, take a trip to some of the third world countries where they don’t have any of the luxuries that are so second-nature to us that we demand them.
Now if you don’t mind, I have to head out. I have to take my McDonald’s meal back because this burger is disgusting! How dare they serve this crap for a dollar?!?!
Creeps-R-Us
This incident is proof that background checks aren’t 100% effective.
Yeah, you can weed out the creeps if you’re looking to see if someone was arrested, but what if you’re interviewing a creep who hasn’t been arrested yet?
A background check also doesn’t tell you how stupid someone is.
Check this story out: http://www.wyff4.com/video/23702154/index.html
So this guy was creepy enough to blatantly solicit sex at a library using Craigslist and dumb enough to actually try to go through with it.
A background check isn’t going to tell you that. However, spending about 2 seconds with the guy should. Seriously, managers at Babies-R-Us, you couldn’t pick up on how stupid and creepy this guy was just when he walked in the store?
Shouldn’t people who work at child-oriented stores like Babies-R-Us have a radar for pedophiles, creepers and perverts? They should’ve just felt his presence as soon as he walked in the store, waaay before he asked for an application.
It really shouldn’t be that hard to peg a pedophile. You can spot them a mile away. And when you do, gather all the kids who are around and say, “Hey, kids, you see that guy over there with the mustache, Members Only jacket, and the 6-pack of Mike’s Hard Lemonade? Stay away from him. He doesn’t have ice cream or candy in his van. How do I know he has a van? Look at him. He either has a van or a time machine and he’s from 1976. Either way, what’s he doing here??”
Just trying to keep kids safe, that’s all.
Ruining Girls’ Self Esteem Since 1983
An ex-Hooters waitress in the Detroit area is suing Hooters because she was told to lose weight or lose her job despite the fact that she weighed 13 pounds less than she did when they hired her two years ago.
How could they sully the good name of Hooters with such behavior? Hooters used to stand for something. It used to be a place jerks could go and eat over-priced food without having to worry about coming up with new ways to objectify their waitress to the point she’d run off to a bathroom stall to cry alone while trying to remind herself that the only reason she took this job in the first place was to pay for college…because her outfit was doing that for them.
There was no need for this girl’s manager to get in on the act. Don’t make the outfit obsolete.
The manager apparently told this girl, who was only 132 pounds, to lose weight because it would improve her looks. Why are they more concerned with her looks being improved than they are about the taste of the food being improved? The taste of the food is not related to the hotness of the waitress bringing the food anyway.
This is how I imagine the manager’s logic processed:
“We’ve really got to make sure that every costumer gets the Hooters experience. I’ll tell Cassandra she needs to lose weight. Because if there’s anything people come to Hooters for it’s hot girls. Not at all because they’re hungry and want to eat our food. Speaking of which, it’s about time I drag the meat on the ground in the parking lot with my car. Mmmm.”
Burn in hell, Hooters. I guess I don’t need to tell you to do that considering the only food in hell is a Hooters buffet.
All the same, burn in hell.
How My Heart is Breaking This Week
If you saw Colbert the other night you saw in his latest Threat Down segment that the number one threat facing us today is PRETTY GIRLS!
“According to scientists at the University of Valencia in Spain that spending ‘Just five minutes with an attractive female raise the level of cortisol,…’ which is a stress hormone that has been linked to heart disease.”
That explains why whenever I see some of my female friends it feels like I had a Chili Cheese a Plenty at The Beacon! If you know me personally you know that every female I know is quite attractive. I’m not bragging because I have nothing to brag about. It’s just how it worked out. I know gorgeous women.
And it is evidently taking it’s toll on my heart. Spending time with my wonderful and beautiful female friends would be like eating Double Downs for lunch everyday. So I have a decision to make…I can’t spend time with them anymore.
Sorry ladies, but I have to guard my heart.
I’ll miss you and your lovely perfume, but you’re killing me. I’ve seen so many of you this week…
And that is how my heart is breaking this week.
How My Heart is Breaking This Week
What you’re about to see is disturbing.
It is suitable for work, but the language you will use upon seeing this is not.
http://www.pinkcoyote.net/creativegrooming.html
Don’t you feel like the dogs know they’re being humiliated more than any other animal has ever been? Ever? This is worse than what you see in Food Inc. This is just so wrong.
If dogs had oppposable thumbs they’d just take a loaded pistol straight to the snout. End their misery. And who could blame them?
The only dogs you should do stuff like this to are Tiger Woods, Jon Gosselin and Jesse James. They deserve this, not the dogs on that site. Even if they are poodles, cause isn’t that embarrassing enough?
Geez. This site is more humiliating for poodles than “People of Walmart” is for Southerners.
And that is how my heart is breaking this week.
Jennifer Aniston…Will You Marry Me?
Out of curiosity (and boredom from waiting for laundry to finish) I made a friend list on Facebook of people I’d like to invite to my wedding if I were having onenow . (I know, I know)
What I found out is alarming but not unexpected.
I alone would invite 98 people to my wedding. That doesn’t include family I would invite. That does not include +1′s. That doesn’t include people who aren’t on Facebook. But honestly, if you’re not on Facebook I can’t imagine we’re close enough to invite you to my wedding. Loser. Get a Facebook.
If you factor in the +1′s, which many of my friends are married and I’m close with their spouses too so I’d be inviting them anyway, that number balloons to almost 200. And that’s not even including my family! That’s at least 25 more people.
This is insane! What is my problem!? I alone would invite nearly 225 people to my wedding? I mean, a 300 person wedding is considered a big wedding, right? Well, I’m bringing in 75% of what is considered a big wedding!
My wife would either have to be a hermit or Jennifer Aniston for this to work.
And I have to be honest…I’m leaning towards a hermit at this point. Cause we all know Aniston could bring in 500 of her own.
Then again, her real-life dad is Victor Kiriakis and my mom loves Days of Our Lives.
Welp, my laundry’s done.
My First Dance
It’s wedding season! And you know what that means, right??
I start dreaming of what my perfect wedding would be! Yep, this time of year always brings out the girl in me. As does the Fall…and Winter…and Summer. But I’m a real skank in the Summer.
I’ve heard and seen some interesting ideas for the couple’s first dance. Everyone has seen the Thriller dance party, that was pretty dope but it’s been done. People have acted stuff out as if it were a play because the couple and their wedding party were theater dorks. Someone I know who doesn’t really like dancing wants to do a first jam instead of a first dance. The wedding party would walk over to instruments and play a song. Great idea for her cause she’s a good musician. And everybody’s done the “Oh we’re dancing to a sweet love song – NOPE – PLAY ‘I LIKE BIG BUTTS!’” psych out. That’s REALLY done.
I think my perfect first dance will be elaborate and badass. I want something choreographed and whimsical with props, scenery and minor set pieces. What I’m picturing isn’t entirely unlike the video for “Strawberry Swing.”
I’d like to incorporate that song and Rogue Wave’s “Catform” into my first dance. Talk about whimsical.
Yep, I’ve got a wedding to go to this week and at least 2 more this year. I’m going to judge all of their first dances…to their faces…the day of their wedding. Because I’m a horrible person.
This is Not Fergalicious
This week a video went viral. It involves Fergie Oliver, the host of Canadian game show “Just Like Mom.” Something no one knew about because it aired in the 80′s and who cared about Canada in the 80′s?
The video is below, but above that is my video response to watching the viral video which misspells his name. (to sync the audio, just click play on the You Tube video when I say “3″)
Because I’m a Genius*
You know those movie review websites that are designed for mothers so they can “protect” their kids? They’re not even geared towards parents – just mothers, cause they’re the only ones who care about the safety of their kids.
Have you seen dads when they have to take their little kids to the grocery store? They let those kids do anything.
“Hey buddy, try to only like the floor for 5 seconds. It’s safer that way.” “Hey buddy, what did I say about running in the street? Only do it when cars are coming, not when SUVs are coming.” “Alright buddy, you get to drive. I know you’re five but I’m blowing a 5.0 over here. I. Am. D. Runk!”
Anyway, there are sites where mothers can look up movie reviews to see what objectionable content may or may not be in the movies their kids are begging to see. I assume they do this to avoid the awkward conversations about sex that they don’t want to have.
Well that works both ways, world! I don’t want that awkward conversation with my parents any more than they want to have that with me.
I say there should be a service for children who are 18 and older. A site that warns you about scenes that will be totally awkward to watch with your parents in the room.
You know it’s happened to you!
You were just sitting there watching what you thought was a drama; History of Violence. Yeah, it may have some violence in it but they can take it. This movie is intellectual, right?
Well what the hell do cheerleader outfits and 69ing have to do with history or violence?!? NOTHING. But you got that crap anyway. With your parents in the room!!
I don’t care how cool your parents are, there is a movie you will NOT want to watch with your parents. My mom can watch episodes of South Park and laugh, but there was nothing funny about watching Superbad with her when Jonah Hill goes on a 5 minute tirade about vaginas. Or drawing d’s. I don’t need that to happen again. And neither do you.
But the worst for me was when my family was watching a Chris Rock special and he starts talking about the HBO special about prison life that exposed to the world tossing someone’s salad. The most you’ll ever want to kill yourself is when you have to hear your mother explain to your father what tossing a salad is.
Mommy, I don’t want to know why you know what that is and I don’t want my dad to know either.
So I’m starting a website.
This seriously could work. I need a good name for it. Awkward Turtle Reviews? You Don’t Have To Kill Yourself Reviews? Cheerleader 69 Reviews?
I dunno what it will be called yet, but it will be extensive and it will save your life.
Chat Roulette
I’ve been trying Chat Roulette just to see what the fuss was about. Today a guy in a Mexican wrestler mask said, “You’re Black,” then he nexted me.
Do you know what that means??
People do know that I’m Black within seconds of seeing me. Eat it, haters! I’m Black. Not mixed. Not Hispanic. Black. Now where is my White woman?!
Chat Roulette is really just another opportunity for me to make jokes.
I’ve gone on the site 3 or 4 times now. I’ve told people I was Lenny Kravitz. I’ve eaten Better Cheddars and offered them to people. Just goofing around.
By the way, those Better Cheddars are good. I still love Cheez-Its, but Better Cheddars!
Anyway, I like to screw with people on Chat Roulette. Unfortunately, most guys like to screw themselves on Chat Roulette.
Hey, fellas, if there was a better way to instantly let anyone who is looking at you know that you’re a registered sex offender than having a mustache – it’s doing that on the internet!
You’re douche bags!
Sick, perverted douche bags. I’m not going to call John Mayer a douche anymore. Putting him in the same category as you is too much of an insult to him. Putting Jesse James in the same category as you is too much of an insult to him. You’re sick. Get a life.
I’d tell you to go to Hell but I have a feeling that’s going to happen whether I tell you to or not.
My Boy is Wicked Slow
I came across this very odd headline today:
“Is Osama bin Laden out of touch?”
Was he ever in touch?
Seriously, Dan Murphy, what part of 9/11 makes you think bin Laden was at one point “in touch” with reality? It took making a threat to kill any American caught for you to go, “Hmm, this bin Laden character seems crazy.”
“What else is he late to the party on,” I wondered to myself, but not really cause I’m just trying to write a blog. So I decided to go to his Twitter page that I don’t even know exists and saw these tweets:
“Wow, guys, this guy Seinfeld has a show on Fox. It airs at odds hours but it is good. He’s going places.”
“Wait, so you mean to tell me they all die at the end of Titanic? Couldn’t someone have warned me?!”
“I thought concentration camps were places they sent kids to learn how to concentrate. Thanks, Spielberg.”
Mayer Syndrome
I was having a conversation with a badass guitar player friend named Joel Green about badass guitar player Orianthi.
No. We were not talking about how hot she is. We were talking about how good of a guitar player she is.
I think she’s amazing. He said, “Yeah, she can shred. Kinda.” I asked if he really thought she could only “kinda shred.” His response was, “Maybe it’s Mayer Syndrome and I just need to hear her more to have an informed opinion.”
“What’s ‘Mayer Syndrome’,” I asked, fearing that my friend contracted a new STD that was so vile and new that it could only be named after John Mayer.
His response was, “The first few times I heard John Mayer I thought he was lame. Then, the more I learned about him I discovered he was a badass. I made up the name. I think I’m going to put it into effect.”
So I decided to help him out by writing this blog. I bring you, via Joel Green, the new term “Mayer Syndrome.”
Because discovering more about John Mayer is involved in this new trend I must point out that there are side effects to “Mayer Syndrome” which include: “Prolonged exposure to douchey-ness, walk of shame disease and tongue mouth.”
For the record, I’m a fan of John Mayer’s amazing guitar playing and well-crafted songs. Particularly those on Continuum. As you can gather, I’m not a fan of his douchey-ness.
Sorry, John, but when you give a Playboy interview like that it’s the print equivalent to the saying, “Never meet your heroes.”
But I’m not too sorry because he’ll just dry his tears with Bombshell McGee’s tatted rear-end. I’m saying he’ll just hook up with a skank and think he’s living the life.
99. 100. 101!
This is my 101st blog.
Congratulations, readers!
Listen. You know what I don’t understand? Why girls go for jerks. Have you seen this show Tool Academy? Girlfriends of douche bags contact this show to teach the boyfriends how not to be such tools.
The problem is, they could’ve just dumped the guy. Do the girls not see that being a douche bag is in their nature? It’s who they are. Nobody uses that much hair gel and Axe if they aren’t. And you’re clearly annoyed by it…so why stay with him?
On top of that, they go on national television! Revealing to the country that they are dating these giant tools.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, there should be a test people can administer to prospective dates so they could find out if they’re douche bags. Or clothes specifically designed to appeal to douche bags so that when you see them in those clothes you know right away – douche bag.
Oh wait, that does exist. They’re called Ed Hardy t-shirts.
And there are tests for this too. Observe.
If you get any question right without just taking a stab in the dark…you are a douche bag. Best line of defense if you think douche bags are present – stab in the dark. Cyclical.
You know what Gosselin is saying in that picture up there? “I scored a perfect score! Now leave me and my Ed Hardy t-shirts alone! And who used up all my Axe hair gel!?!? Me? Oh, that was me? Nevermind!”
How Somebody Else’s Heart Is Breaking This Week…
It’s official. Some people are really, really stupid.
I am single.
Yet these people are married:
Jesse James
Tiger Woods
Joe Lunardi (the guy who created Bracketology, or “wasting everyone’s damned time with my nerdish knowledge of college hoops and still being wrong about the brackets” for ESPN )
I don’t want to say Sandra Bullock is stupid…but she did marry a guy named Jesse James who was once married to a porn star. If that doesn’t reek “I have serious, serious issues” I don’t know what does. But when someone cheats it’s always the cheaters fault. So, Sandra Bullock is not stupid. He on the other hand…….
Just take this as a lesson, ladies. Date nice boys who know how to cook, clean up after themselves, treat you with respect and NOT BE RAGING DOUCHE BAGS.
I mean, seriously, Jesse James?? You might be even dumber than Eric Benet! That dumbass should wear shoes but no one ever said, “What is Halle doing with him?” when they were together. EVERYONE wondered why you were with Sandra Bullock. You’re a biker…and reek of douchey-ness. Even John Mayer has to think you’re a giant douche bag. But knowing douche bags he probably looks up to you.
And this is what happens when people ruin the scales. On a scale of one to ten Jesse is a 5 at best. Every American Sweetheart is a 10. When you 8, 9 or 10s date a douchey 5, he thinks he can have the world…and he tries to. So this nonsense happens.
Jesse, how do you do that to Sandra Bullock??? Your wife. Who took YOUR kid in. It was a real life “Blind Side.” What a moron.
Jesse James really is dead man, but not as dead as Sandra’s trust in men thanks to his dumb ass.
And that is how our hearts are breaking for Sandra Bullock’s heart this week.
When In Rome
America is officially the land of the laziest, dumbest people in the world.
I saw the commercial for this while on an elliptical at the gym today. I almost fell off of the thing. Are you kidding me? Who breaks eggs that way? Seriously!? Who among you breaks eggs that way???
Please relinquish your license and get your tubes tied. We don’t need you driving cars or procreating. We don’t need you teaching your dumbassed kids how to drive. Natural selection is supposed to kill you off not all of us. Get off the roads!
And that lady at the end who is eating her egg and has to take a piece of shell out of her mouth. Well, you were there when you made your eggs, lady! Did you not notice you smashed the egg into the bowl to crack it?
Who taught these people how to cook, the Incredible Hulk? “I’m hungry. Must eat. Egg – SMASH!! These things are incredible just like me! WAAAHHHH!!”
This is so lazy and so stupid. It reminds me of Rome. People being fed grapes cause they’re too lazy to just put grapes in their mouths themselves. This is where we’re heading, people.
I’ll still probably buy one. I can’t separate the yolk and the egg whites to save my life.
Who Am I?
Here’s an actual text convo I woke up to this morning…
Stranger: “Hey, =)”
Me: “Hey. Who is this?”
Stranger: “Scott”
Me: “Who do you think I am?”
Stranger: “Morgan.”
Me: “Sorry. You have the wrong number.”
Stranger: “Who is this?”
This is where he got me. Did he think I wasn’t sure if I was Morgan or not? “Hey, now that you ask…it IS Morgan. My bad. I’d have forgotten if you hadn’t said anything! What’s up?”
Let’s just hope he wasn’t driving. Not because it’s dangerous to text while driving, but because no one is safe on the roads if he is on them.
I Will Become Him
I want to have what I will call a “Farr Party” that is based solely off of this picture:
I’m fairly certain I can recreate it. I know a girl who could easily look like my mother and I look enough like my dad to do this.
Oh, yeah. That’s my mom and dad.
I know. Awesome lineage. You want to have children with me now don’t you? Well you can’t, sir. You can’t.
Killer Whale, More Like – Uhhhh
A Killer Whale killed its trainer this week. A lot of supposed experts are saying that Killer Whales don’t normally kill.
Then why the hell did you name them KILLER WHALES???
Is that not the cruelest complex to give something ever? “What should we name these guys? They seem harmless…KILLER WHALES IT IS!”
They should’ve seen this coming. They should’ve! They should’ve known this horrible name would be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How could you not anticipate a Killer Whale eventually going, “Well if this is what they think of me then I’LL JUST GIVE THEM WHAT THE WANT!” <bite, bite – chew – suffocate – chew, chew>
How crappy must Killer Whales feel right now? They must be going, “Oh, great! Now they’re gonna think we ALLLL do that cause of one guy! One guy! That’s all it takes to screw it up for the rest of us. Now we’ll never send a kid off to Sea World. We’re tainted. Sorry assed living up to the stereotype assed bitch. We’ll never see a Killer Whale become the king of the sea. Effin’ merman.”
You know, because Killer Whales know that’s what we call them…and they can talk.