Telethon for Us

I think regular, everyday, broke people should put together a telethon to raise money from celebrities.

Seriously, why are movie stars always asking us for money in commercials and telethons? ¬†They’re the ones with all the loot. A whole lot more than we have.

Sure, they donate a lot of money, too, but think about how much money we’ve given them in the form of movie tickets over the years. And they’re gonna ask us for more money just to get to talk to them for 20 seconds?

After all the money Hollywood has bilked from us to see their movies it’s high time they repay us! Especially after that last Transformers movie.

I want to see a telethon for us. The celebrities could call in and talk to “Sarah,” one of the many volunteers of everyday folk, and just tell them about our day.

George Clooney: “Hey, how are you, Sarah? How was your day?”
Sarah: “Well, I had to wake up real early at 4am to get the kids ready for school before I went to physical therapy to learn to use my knee again after this horrible car wreck I was in about 4 months ago.”
Clooney: “Oh. Um. How many kids do you have, how old are they?”
Sarah: “Three boys! 14, 16 and 19. They’re my heart and soul.”
Clooney: “That’s sweet. Where does the oldest go to school?”
Sarah: “Oh, well we had to take my oldest, Tevin, out of school to work with my husband because my medical bills were too high to afford along with tuition. The other two work all afternoon to help pay the bills.”
Clooney: “Oh.”
Sarah: “Yeah. We don’t sleep well.”
Clooney: “Why is that?”
Sarah: “Because we all share a bed. All 5 of us. And the boys are restless after a long day of work in the factory. It’s a twin sized bed.”
Clooney: “How do 5 people share a twin sized bed?”
Sarah: “We sleep horizontally with our legs hanging off. Only our torsos are on the bed. I often times can’t get to sleep without Keith’s, that’s my youngest, I can’t get to sleep without his elbow digging into my spine. It reminds me of my car wreck.”
Clooney: “…”
Sarah: “What did you do today?”
Clooney: “I, uhh…I uhh…I rolled outta bed around 10, 10:30…11…it was 11:45 when I got up this morning.”
Sarah: “Ooohhh, that sounds nice. What kind of bed do you have?”
Clooney: “It’s one of those beds that float in the air.”
Sarah: “Floats?”
Clooney: “Yeah. You know, one of those beds astronauts made.”
Sarah: “I’ve not heard of that.”
Clooney: “Oh right, it’s not gonna be on the market for another 30 years.”
Sarah: “What size is it?”
Clooney: “Um, king. It’s a king-sized bed.”
Sarah: “Did I mention my whole family has black lung?”
Clooney: “I’m writing you a check for $100,ooo!”
Sarah: “Oh my, thank you so much!!”
Clooney: “Actually, add $10. Sorry about Batman and Robin.”

Finally, Batman and Robin can do some good. And all for charity!

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