No Fly Zone

People always want to ask, “If you had a super power, what would it be and why?”  I always say, “The power to get you to ask better questions on a first date.”

Of course I never say that.  I never have first dates.  I like to start around date 10.

It does seem like a popular answer to that question is the ability to fly.  That is the worst answer possible.  Flight is useless without being paired with other super powers.

Think about it.


What good is flight if you don’t have super strength?  You know you want to fly so after your dinner date you can show off like Superman flying Lois Lane around.  But you can’t hold someone in your arms very long.  You aren’t strong enough.  You will drop her…from several hundred feet up in the sky!
The date will be going so well…until you kill her.  The only thing separating you and serial killers is strength.  Things are great until you kill people.

What good will flight do you if you don’t have super speed?  If you are super fast you can help fight crime and even terrorism.  The only way you can save everyone and yourself is if you fly a bomb out of a crowded building really fast.  You throw it into the sky and fly away super fast.  Everyone’s saved.  Yay!
Without super speed…everyone dies.  And you didn’t even take them out to dinner first.  Now you’re not even a charming serial killer.

Flight is also pointless if you aren’t invincible.  Do you know the flight patterns of planes?  I didn’t think so.  So when you go flying up in the air you’ll probably hit a plane.
You’ll be caught up in the scenery, the wind will be in your hair and WHAMO!  You hit a plane!  Without invincibility you’ll die from the impact or the fall you’ll suffer after being knocked unconscious.  Even if you see the plane at the last second you can’t fly fast enough to dodge it, you didn’t want super speed, just flight. And if you were invincible you’d be able to take the blow to the head, but you didn’t ask for that either.
And that plane might go down too if you hit it.  Now you’ve got a plane full of people you’re killing…unless you’ve got super speed, super strength and invincibility.  Then you can dive, catch it, lay it down safely.  But nope, you’ve killed even more people, you murderer!
Again people die on an empty stomach thanks to you because they’re not serving peanuts on flights these days.  Times are tough.  Everyone is scrimping…even your imagination because the only super power you want is flight.  You are the worst serial killer ever.

It’s a lame answer.  I have a better answer.  The super power I’d like to have is the ability to talk to insects so I can tell them to get out of my face and away from my food when I’m in the park on a date.  I don’t need them spreading West Nile to me or my date.  We’re trying to have a nice time and enjoy some chicken salad on a croissant with various fruits and sliced cheeses on weight-bearing crackers.

Nobody dies, everyone gets fed.

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