Month: February 2013

I am now convinced that it’s better to be single than it is to be in a relationship on Valentine’s day.

Think about it, if you’re single you may not have a romantic special someone, but that also means you don’t have anyone to let down by not doing enough to please them.

In truth, you have several special someones – friends. And the trend today is for single people to spend Valentine’s with their friends. They make a day of it!

Some friends of mine and I went to Waffle House. And it was great! No, seriously. This Waffle House was decked out for celebrating. They had table cloths, cloth napkins, a special menu. I was in a suit. It was so much fun.

And it’s become a tradition among these friends. Some of them are in relationships and they still opted to spend it with friends at Waffle House.

Do you know what this means? The power has shifted. Couples want to do what singles are doing on Valentine’s day now! They’re the ones who are jealous! They’re looking at us singles and saying, “I wish I was doing what they’re doing.” I saw one group of girls I know out and one of them has a boyfriend, but she still spent it with her girls!

So no more “Singles Awareness Day.” It’s all about being single on Valentine’s (or at least that’s what I’ll tell myself until a woman will agree to marry me).

We should claim that day as ours. What do couples have on love to claim it as their own? Nothin’! We can express the joy of love with celebration, too! And we’ll be better at it cause we’re never breaking up and if we do we’re always getting back together! (That would be a terrible Taylor Swift song – so it would fit right in with the rest of her music).

We’re going to have to start checking on our coupled up friends on Valentine’s Day to see if they’re alright and not wallowing in self-pity all day. “Oh, what’s that sweety? He didn’t send you flowers to your work? Yeah. And that made you sad because all the other girls at work got flowers but you didn’t and it makes you feel all alone? Ohhh, sweety, it’s okay. There, there.”

That’s not gonna happen among friends on Valentine’s Day. The worst that can happen is that we don’t get to buy discounted chocolate the day after Valentine’s. (SUCKERS! Both you for buying it full-priced AND the candy!)

See, a friend is who you need on Valentine’s Day. They’ll never let you down, because they don’t have to live up to a ridiculous standard made up by companies who want to commercialize the day to make money.

Friends are forever. Maybe you’ll be lucky enough to make one of them your spouse, but if not you still have a Valentine’s buddy to spend it with.

No expectations. Nothing to live up to. Time of your life.

Which is also the new Waffle House slogan.

I don’t believe in ghosts.

But all those stories you hear people tell about ghost encounters are real.

So maybe the incidents were just done by people with the super power of invisibility.

THINK about it.

There’s some app on Facebook that if you read an article on their website it automatically posts that you read the article in Facebook feeds.

The problem is you look like a creep if you look at an article with a sketchy headline.

A real update I saw in my feed, “Fox News Reporter – Uncrossed Legs WOW”

If you click on that, you might not be sketchy, but now you’re publicly thought to be sketchy.  And I find this to be hilarious cause I’m not clicking on that mess.

I know what articles to avoid and you can, too!  Just be sure to stay away from headlines like these:

• “Cat Nip Slip” – Maybe you thought it was a feline related product you can get for your cat, but it’s actually something very unsuitable for work.
• “I think Chris Brown is Actually a Good Person.” – I get it. You just wanted to know what their bogus argument was. But at the end of the day he’s still a horrible, horrible person and now you look like a fan.
• “Woman Arrested for Violating Nudity Ban (Pictures)” – This one is kinda obvious, but you’re gonna click on it anyway.
• “Ways to Convince Your Friends You’re Not Desperate” – They’re all going to see this and know you’re desperate. PS, they already know so just click on it, anyway. They won’t be surprised. Live free!
• “Behind the Scenes of a Go Daddy Commercial” – You don’t need to know how they shoot these commercials. It’s exactly what you’d expect. They bring in Danica Patrick and make her sign something confusing that makes her forget she has standards and can actually say “No” to things. Then a guy with shifty eyes and a member’s only jacket turns a camera on and shouts out perverted things.  Then they shoot the commercial.