Month: July 2012

It’s time for my weekly argument about John Mayer, everybody!  It goes a little something like this…

Me – John Mayer’s new album is really good.
Them (cause it’s always THEM) – Ugh.
Me – Seriously, he’s got some good songs.
Them – Body is a Wonderland.
Me – That song has a solid guitar part.
Them –  But his face when he plays.
Me – Anybody’s face when they play?
Them –  Daughters!
Me – WALT GRACE!
Them – JOHN MAYER! (said with anger)
Me – JOHN MAYER! (said with respect)
Them – …I’m just a Jennifer Aniston fan, okay?
Me – Me, too.  Me , too.  I can never date her because I love his music so much.
Them – That’s the reason you can never date her?
Me – Low blow, man.  Low blow.
Them – Talk about a Heartbreak Warfare.
Me – Don’t.  Just don’t.

There’s a new product for your pet dogs called Thundershirt.  This canine swaddle is for your dogs when they get scared by the thunder or sad when you’re away from home.

And I want to know why this hasn’t been made for humans!

No, I’m not afraid of the vacuum cleaner, but I get lonely.  And I need a hug from time to time.  The constant feeling that I’m getting a hug would be soothing.  I love hugs.

Imagine the commercial for this.

A recently dumped woman is sitting on the couch eating ice cream, listening to Adele and crying into a box of tissues while “Sleepless in Seattle” plays on the TV.  It’s muted, she just likes to see Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan find love.
Then PRESTO!  In a flash she is swaddled up in her thundershirt.  No more tears, it’s okay.  They should have a feature that speaks to you when you press a button.  “He wasn’t right for you,” it says.  “You’re better off.”  “It’s his loss.”  She gently falls asleep looking comforted and sure of herself.

This actually does exist for men.  It’s called beer. (please drink responsibly)