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How My Heart Is Breaking This Week

It’s raining where I live and that doggone rain got that Brian McKnight song “One Last Cry” stuck in my head somehow.

At least I assumed it was the rain.  I have a strict Milli Vanilli policy in my house.  I always blame it on the rain.  I blame all good things on the boogie…not sunshine, not good times, not moonlight – the boogie!

So that sad, pedestrian old song about having one last cry before moving on was stuck in my head all because of the rain.  Or so I thought.

Then I saw THIS:  Anne Hathaway Engaged!!

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This is an outrage and that last line is the only way I can show my frustration!!  Really, Anne?  You couldn’t wait it out a little longer?  Give it some more time before meeting me?  Just had to go and get engaged!  Now who am I supposed to focus my energy on?  The girl I’m seeing? (I’m fine with that)

LISTEN!  The thing that’s really got me down (other than the internal bleeding that this engagement has caused) is that the whole time Anne Hathaway is on the screen in the next Batman movie as Catwoman I won’t be able to do anything but think, “Welp, I’ll never marry her now that she’s engaged…and because I’ll probably never meet her.”
You’re ruining Nolan’s last Batman movie, Anne!  I hope you’re happy!! (I’m sorry for yelling. Please come back.)

I’m more angry than sad…at least for now.

Tonight I’m getting a tub of ice cream and watching some Love Actually.  Cause Anne Hathaway is getting married to some poor man’s Ryan Gosling.

And that is how my heart is breaking this week.

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I Ain’t ‘Fraid of No Food

Netflix has the show Man v. Food in their “Feel-Good TV” category on their site.

I don’t exactly call watching a guy eat himself to death “feel-good TV.”  Nothing about watching that feels good.  Just watching that show makes me feel like I’ve had too much to eat.  You know, that stuffed-stomach feeling you get because you had to have one more bite of mac-n-cheese.

And I’d do it again…cause I looove mac-n-cheese. (hey, turk!) (hey, tina)

Now, Wings, that’s some feel-good TV.

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Chomp

So there was a spill in Pittsburgh that disabled around 100 vehicles this week.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That looks delicious.  At least it looks more edible than a McRib.

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Be Careful What You Queue

So I came across this on my Netflix.

 

Should I be worried about the profession I chose to go in?  Do you notice the bottom row?  Because I’m interested in comedy I must be interested in addiction and cocaine and meth.

Comedy is the world’s most dangerous drug, I suppose.  I’m hooked.

It concerns me a bit for Netflix.  Is this what things have become?  Times have been tough and I’m afraid they’ve turned to a life of cheap thrills and quick fixes.

Are you okay, Netflix?  Do you need an escape?  I’m just worried, that’s all.  I’ve heard you were involved with WalMart.  Listen, I know they talk a big game, but they will leave you high and dry.  Just be careful, okay?

And for the love, stay away from that Quibids.com.  They are shady.

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How My Heart is Unbreaking This Week

One of the only “unbreaks” in existence!

Zoe Saldana broke up with her fiance and long-time love of 11 years this week.

I mean, I’m sorry for them.  This has to be tough.  But I really needed a win.  I’m counting this as a win because in my head (and my heart!) I imagined a single Zoe Saldana randomly bumping into me on the street and saying, “Oh, well hello, stranger.”  But in a really cute, flirty way.  Not at all in that creepy way in which you read it.

So, for once, I can say my heart is NOT breaking this week.  It should be noted that my heart is never really breaking.  These are just jokes.  I just think these ladies are lovely.  Zoe Saldana being a free woman (I’ll never meet) is a light at the end of the tunnel.

And that is how my heart is unbreaking this week.