Posted on

A Word on Chris Brown

I don’t know if you’ve seen Chris Brown’s MJ Tribute on the BET Awards yet, but he “broke down” in “tears” while trying to sing “Man in the Mirror.”

My thing with that is, did he not rehearse the song several times before the broadcast?  Did the meaning of the song really not resonate until the live show?

I find that hard to believe.  He had to have rehearsed that performance at least 3 times.  I can’t imagine they didn’t.  Maybe he just wanted to get the footwork down and when it came to the singing he said, “We’ll do it live.  I want to stay fresh.”

But not even during the sound check did he stop and say, “Wait a second, I’M the man in the mirror.  I need to make that change.  Shamon.”

It’s been a year since Michael Jackson’s death and we’ll still never truly know how he came up with “shamon.”  How is that even supposed to be spelled?

I digress.  I don’t buy the weeping at the end of Brown’s performance.  You can call me a hater all you want.  And you’d be right, I hate Chris Brown.  But mainly because I was just in a wedding this weekend and I heard “Forever” waaaaay too much.

I will give him credit for not performing “Beat It,” “Dangerous,” or “Speed Demon.”  Not that “Speed Demon” would have been inappropriate.  That song just sucks.

Posted on

The Day After Tomorrow 2

Do you know those disaster movies where some crazy guy at the beginning of the movie says, “There’s gonna be a major earthquake that will shake the bowls of our nation” and everyone laughs at him, but then it turns out he was right all along??

Everyone laughed at this dude, too.  Guess what?  AN EARTHQUAKE HIT CALIFORNIA EARLIER!!

Granted, he was 3 months off cause he was warning about one in September, but what if his prophecies are just a bit fuzzy.  Like Chuck with the intersect?

I’m just saying, let the casting for a movie version of this begin because we may not have much longer!!

Posted on

My Bucket List Just Got a Bit Longer

I’ve added two things to my bucket list.

If you’re not familiar with what a “bucket list” is it is a list of things you want to do before you die…or “kick the bucket.”

So here are a the new additions to my list:

  1. Eat a Five Buck Box from Taco Bell
  2. Eat one of those Double Down sandwiches from KFC
  3. Live forever!

Granted, just eating these things will kill me so I better put these at the very bottom of my list.  Maybe that guy from Man Vs. Food should have an episode where we tries to eat all the most disgusting Fast Food chain entrees in one day.

Posted on

Just Your Friendly Neighborhood Vomit Inducer

A spider web almost got in my mouth earlier.

I shudder at just the thought.

Ok, I get it.  You can stretch your webbing over several feet.  Impressive.  But seriously, why?  Do you like to see people walk face first into that crap and then freak out?  Is that spider humor?  Jerks.  You’re no Mark Twain!

If a spider web gets in my mouth I will throw up right on the spot.  It’s revolting to me.  I will throw up right there.  Not even so much because I couldn’t make it to a trash can, but just to make a point of what not to do to Jason.  Don’t let spider webs get in my mouth.  Don’t let me walk mouth first into some spider webs.

Spider-man is the last super hero I want saving me for this very reason.  I don’t even want to imagine all the webbing.  Ugh.

If Spider-man swung in and saved me I would say, “Put me down or I’m gonna be sick!”  “Is it motion sickness?”  “NO, it’s you!  And Spider-Man 3, it was awful.  BLAH!”

Just send Iron Man next time.  At least his movies haven’t starting sucking yet.

Posted on

Everything I Needed To Learn I Learned From iTunes

I’m not so sure about this health care legislation anymore.  I know, I know.  Just go with it, I’m making a joke.

I’ve come to realize that when people in America get stuff for free they become huge douche bags.

Have you seen the comments for free songs offered on iTunes?  People go on and on about how awful the song might be…to them.  A lot of times I like the song, but that doesn’t keep people from saying, “Good job, iTunes picking another crap song.”

Excuse me, jerkface, but you do realize the song is FREE right?  Like iTunes owes it to you to please you when they’re GIVING YOU SOMETHING FOR FREE.

What entitled babies.

They act like they have to keep the song or something.  You can delete it if you hate it, ya know?  You don’t need to keep some song you hate on your iPod just because it was free.  Just delete it and move on.  Stop whining.

One of the most repeated arguments I heard about the health care passage was, “Government can’t run anything.  Now our doctors’ offices will be like the DMV.”  Which isn’t even true.  The government won’t be running your doctor’s office.  Glad these people get a voice, a vote, and the chance to drive on the highway.  Natural selection isn’t real, these morons are still around killing all the smart people with their cars.

My point is, we’re getting so spoiled that even if we get something that might just be okay for free we complain.  Hey guys, take a trip to some of the third world countries where they don’t have any of the luxuries that are so second-nature to us that we demand them.

Now if you don’t mind, I have to head out.  I have to take my McDonald’s meal back because this burger is disgusting!  How dare they serve this crap for a dollar?!?!