How My Heart Is Breaking This Week

Haven’t blue people been taken advantage of enough?

Gargamel and Azrael sabotaged and terrorized the Smurfs for years in the 1980’s and now in James Cameron’s new film “Avatar” we’re seeing blue freakshows taken advantage of for their land and their powers…or something like that.  Does anyone know what that movie is about?

It’s a shame, really.

Not just the part about more blue people getting ravaged, but now I realize that there hasn’t been a big budget “Smurfs” film.

Come on, Hollywood.  You greenlit a movie about “Thor” before making one about The Smurfs?  You make “Thor” when there aren’t any superheroes or random 80’s cartoons left to make movies about.  What’s next?  A movie about MC Skat Kat?

I’m just saying, you gave us two “Transformer” movies and what had to be a horrible “GI Joe” movie.  And then there was talk about a “Voltron” movie!
VOLTRON?!  The poor man’s Transformers were thought of before the beloved Smurfs??

Get it together, Hollywood.  We want a movie about the Smurfs!!

And so help me if you hire Tim Burton to direct it!
Though, Johnny Depp would make a good Brainy Smurf.  (You thought I’d say Papa Smurf, didn’t you?  Well, obviously Christopher Lee would be Papa Smurf and Nicolas Cage would be Gargamel.)

Good job, Hollywood.  You dropped the ball on extending my childhood.

And that is how my heart is smurfing this week.

3 Replies to “How My Heart Is Breaking This Week”

  1. You, sir, are looking forward to the My Little Pony movie and you know it!

    And, ok, I’ll admit it. I don’t watch Southpark. Do you write Conan a letter and tell him he made a joke about something Letterman made a joke about, too? Did you tweet Seth Meyers on Monday that I made the same joke he did about Tiger but only the day before he did it?


    So, go smurf yourself. (just kidding. this is for the people who will take this too seriously.)

  2. Jason, sir, I will have to take issue with you on a few things in this blog post.

    1. You’re a little behind in comparing Avatar to the Smurfs. South Park did it a couple months ago.

    2. Thor is going to be an awesome movie. Anthony Hopkins, Natalie Portman, Kenneth Branagh directing? Not to mention he’s a pretty badass character when they let him be. Surely a Thor movie should precede a live-action My Little Pony movie, too. And if you want further proof that some cartoon-to-live-action movies need not be made, I humbly submit the Garfield movies.

    3. The G.I. Joe movie wasn’t that bad, actually, provided that you go in knowing it’s going to be kind of silly and check your brain at the door.

    4. Voltron is not the “poor man’s Transformers,” Jason. GoBots are the poor man’s Transformers. Everyone knows that.

    5. Papa Smurf is friendly and fatherly. Christopher Lee is scary. He’d be like the leader of the Frums, the race of evil Smurfs that I just made up. Don’t go stealing my idea.

    And that’s how Jason Farr is breaking my heart this week.

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