How My Heart is Breaking This Week

The Travel Channel wants to make me look like a pervert.

When I work out at the gym I like to get on an elliptical machine and turn on the TV.  I have been burned one too many times by the Travel Channel, though.

You’d assume they’d have some beautiful locales that you can just look at.  Evidently, the beautiful locale they decided to feature this morning was Whore Island.

I’m standing there looking at what I think is a beautiful, “pristine” beach when a topless woman emerges from the ocean.  Yeah, they pixelated the image.  But still, that was random.  Oh well, must just have been that person.


It was the whole damn beach!

You tried to be sly about it, Travel Channel.  You cut away and show a nice view of the ocean and the beach and the trees and – BOOM – you go back to topless women and linger there.  So I changed the channel.  I had to.  It made me look like a perv.  Standing there seemingly oogling topless women.

Something similar happened the other day too.  I was flipping through the channels, looking for something to watch when I see what I assumed was some kind of pirate parade.  I stop but quickly realize that the cameramen were more interested in burying their cameras into the chests of heavily bosomed barmaids.

Nope.  Couldn’t keep it there.  Pervy.

So thanks guys.  Now all the people in the row behind me think I’m a perv.  Great job.  And don’t tell me they weren’t paying attention.  Because they were!  I’ve been on the second row of elliptical machines before and they don’t have TVs so all I do is watch what the people in the front row are watching.

Yesterday it was Regis and Kelly.  Like, 6 people in a line – all watching Regis and Kelly.  Wholesome.

Boobs galore?  Not so much.

Makes me look like a weirdo.  So I had to watch Emeril cook something on Food Network.  It was certainly tasty looking but certainly bad for me.
It’s always counter-productive to watch Food Network when you work out because you’ll watch them cook something buttery and delicious then you go and eat it cause you had to stare at it for an hour.

Great, I burned just enough calories to eat half of this dish…and I will eat the whole thing.  Oh I will.

And that is how my heart is breaking this week.

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