100% Guaranteed Fat Free With No Money Down

I’ve got to hand it to people in the marketing industry…they’re crafty.

I just saw a can of chicken broth at the grocery store that said it was 100% Fat Free.
“Fat Free” means there’s no fat.  It’s free of fat.  There’s nothin’.  So are they saying it’s 100% Nothin’?  No.  They mean, 100% of that can doesn’t have any fat.
Why didn’t they just say “0% Fat” then?  Because they probably have some sort of study that shows shoppers like the phrases “Fat Free” and “100%” and they wanted to combine the two to sell the product.

Another bit of marketing that caught my eye was a new Sprint commercial.  They were promoting their new “Anytime, Anyplace, Anywhere, Anyway” plan.
You can call anywhere in the US anytime of the day.  That’s a lot better than those other cell phone plans out there, right?  Yeah, it is…until you realize this is just an unlimited plan not entirely unlike the unlimited plans every cell phone company has.
Nice stroke.  You guys re-branded something that already exists as if it was something new.  And I’m sure it worked.

I always love to see signs for the company “Seattle’s Best.”  Not only are we not in Seattle, but by what standards are they determining that they are the best?  Even if they are the best in Seattle…how do I know they don’t suck compared to the places here?
What if a peach company in Georgia named themselves “Georgia’s Best” and then started selling peaches here?  Yeah, you might be the best in Georgia, but we all know the bar isn’t raised so high there.  (You are NOT the peach state!!)

I don’t like it when commercials are intentionally vague because, “it’s how people talk…and legally we can’t say what someone will save if they switch to us for car insurance.”
I just saw a Nationwide commercial where they said, “You’ll save like 500 bucks.”  Well, I don’t want to save “like” 500 bucks.  I want to save actual 500 bucks.

The worst might be when a company tries too hard to have a funny phrase.

“Our ribs are so good you’ll smack your butt!”  Or “You’ll like our homemade desserts so much you’ll punch your own mother!”

What does that even mean??  And why am I punching my mom just because you have good banana pudding?
“You may have fed me and taken care of me all my life, but your banana pudding sucks, mama!”

My new favorite commercial is the new one for Snuggies!!  They actually show people raising the roof at the beginning of the ad!
Did research suggest that there was a market out there for this?  “I really wish I could raise the roof, but there’s too much blanket on me to do it!  If only I had sleeves.”
Later in the ad they show an elderly couple wearing their Snuggies in a movie theater as the voice over says, “A Snuggie will keep you warm wherever you go!”
Have these people heard about jackets??  They’re just what people have been using to stay warm when they go out for hundreds of years.

The thing is, I will probably see someone in a movie theater wearing a Snuggie now because that’s how commercials work.  Whenever I see that commercial with the singing pepperoni pizza I want to eat pizza with Tabasco sauce.  I’ve never even done that before and I will definitely try it.

You know, all this talk about commercials is making me want to watch TV.

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