Damn you, Merlot. Damn you, Cab Sav.
How can I ever enjoy you again when all I’ll ever think about when I drink you is the sad news I got this week. I love my red wine. Red, red wine.
You make me feel so fine. You keep me rocking all of the time.
Oh, the irony. The one thing that could help my broken heart is the one thing that’ll remind me of it.
Let me explain.
Anne Hathaway visited wine country with her boyfriend this week.
I didn’t visit any wine country this week.
Conclusion: I’m not Anne Hathaway’s boyfriend.
…
And that is how my heart is breaking this week.