How My Heart is Breaking This Week

I live in South Carolina.  The place where careers apparently go to die.  Note: Steve Spurrier and now Governor Sanford.

As someone who dreams of being a comedy writer, you’d think I would be happy to have my finger on the pulse of comedy gold.

We have guys doing it with horses, idiotic beauty pageant contestants, black guys who want to celebrate the Civil War (maybe he wants to celebrate that the South lost, setting his ancestors free?) and we have a philandering governor with the creative writing wits of a horny 12 year old boy…so basically the target audience of most Judd Apatow movies.

Wait.  Does that make me a horny 12 year old boy?  Scratch that last part.

Despite being rout with these gifts of comedy gold, each time some new “Man Bites Prostitute Dog” story comes out here I find myself more upset than giddy with creative glee.
I don’t know why I’m suddenly surprised at all of these stories.  We do welcome people into Gaffney, SC with a giant butt in the sky.

“No, it’s just a peach.”
“But you’re not the peach state.”
“We produce more peaches than Georgia!  Why Georgia, why?!”

I think that’s what John Mayer’s song is actually about.

Get ready people, because once again we will be the butt of every joke on every late night comedy show.  Every show except SC native Stephen Colbert, who is so proud of the state he has the same initials.

In the news again is Governor Mark Sanford, because he and his wife have decided to split up.  Expect plenty of jokes on the Tonight Show about that tonight.

So this is the straw that broke the camel’s heart this week.  And I can only blame the Governor.  No one can blame Jenny Sanford.  I find her to be a beacon of strength.  Governor Sanford on the other hand is a beacon of douchebaggery.  Let’s just hope he doesn’t attract Jon Gosselin and Spencer Pratt to our state.

The worst part of this is that the four boys will be leaving their schools in Columbia to attend school in Charleston.  As any child of a divorced family knows, that is probably the toughest part.
Leaving friends you’ve made to become the new kid is hard enough when your family isn’t well known.  When your dad is commonly known as the biggest moron in the U.S., it makes assimilating into a new life rather difficult.

People in South Carolina are plenty mad about this.  The whole deal is awful, but what gets me is the lack of vitriol about affairs BEFORE people commit them.

I live down the street from the location of an annual event called Fall for Greenville.  At this event, people picket using anti-gay rhetoric that not only misrepresents Biblical scripture but also the heart of a Christian.
I know people think Fall for Greenville is gay, but come on guys – this is an event with live music and food.  It’s the taste of Greenville, if you will.  Why are you peppering our city with hate?  Because gay marriage is tearing up communities and families?

Let’s not get into a debate about whether or not it is, but let me point out that there is a lack of disgust for extramarital affairs.  And frankly, that scares me.
Why are we focusing so much energy on that?   Shouldn’t we be more outspoken about cheating on your spouse while spitting in the face of the sanctity of marriage which in turn tears your family apart?
Shouldn’t we be trying to keep our communities from experiencing something that is far too common and what the first family is now dealing with?

And for it to happen in such a bitter and public way.

His affair is having its impact on our state, but that pales in comparison to what those kids and what Jenny Sanford is going through.

And that is how my heart is breaking this week.