A pattern is forming. Girls like to break my heart.
“What kind of girls,” you ask? Girls. The ones that are girls. Those ones.
Every guy likes a girl who is pretty, but I am what scientists call “not a bastard” so I like a girl who is very smart as well. So one could imagine the disappointment I felt when I read the news that Ivanka Trump, Donald Trump’s lovely daughter, was engaged!
On top of that, the shiksa is converting to judaism because her fiance’ is Jewish.
I don’t have a problem with that, I love Jewish people and think people should recognize the vast similarities among Jews and Blacks. Just look at Al Jolson in The Jazz Singer.
The problem with her conversion is that it shows how serious this relationship is. I have no hope!
I know some people will want to criticize her name or say she’s kinda weird looking, but they’re just haters. Fellas, challah if you hear me – the girl is beautiful and has brains that match it.
That guy hit the jackpot while my heart is leaving Las Vegas Nicolas Cage style…dying under a writhing Elisabeth Shue. Thanks world. I’m fired.
And that is why my heart is breaking this week.