A purple nurple is the result of someone grabbing and twisting the nipple (or nurple if you will) of a friend, enemy or frenemy; leaving behind a bruised and purple nurple.
It’s very unpleasant. So I am comparing that unpleasant, painful sore to people in the news who are best described as unsightly, aggravating blemishes on our society.
So who gets the honor of being deemed our very first “Purple Nurples” in this landmark blog?
First up: A man in New York who recently killed a woman he chatted with on AOL after she brushed off his advances. Being a murderer doesn’t make him a purple nurple. That makes him a horrible monster of a person.
He’s a purple nurple because – who still uses AOL?
Seriously, even I and your grandmother got off of AOL. This guy makes the Craigslist Killer look like the Steve Jobs of internet predators. It’s bad enough you’re an internet predator but you’re also behind the times.
Our next purple nurple for this week is a mother in Missouri who used her 1-year-old child to shield a man from a Taser when cops arrived to deal with a reported assault the same woman placed, possibly on the man who was going to be tasered.
Hey, lady, great job using your child as a shield to an electroshock weapon. What – couldn’t find a Dodo? Extinct, eh? Just like your own sense of decency. Congrats, you’re a purple nurple.
And the last purple nurple of the week goes to whoever puts together the “Bullseye” feature in the back of Entertainment Weekly magazine for saying the reunion of Creed was worse than “Thinking You Have Swine Flu” but better than “Actually Having Swine Flu.”
No. Creed reuniting is worse than actually having Swine Flu. Because, unlike Creed, Swine Flu will eventually go away.